sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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