Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
