I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
