She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
