Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
