i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
