remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
