i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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