By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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