Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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