Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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