I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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