im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
