he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
