that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
