I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone came in the potted fern
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
