Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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