so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
