Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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