My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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