that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
