he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
