Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
