Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
