Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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