i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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