Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
