i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
God, I missed his penis.
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