I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
