dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
