its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
