I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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