so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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