well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
