Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
