No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
