4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Quick, to the slutcave!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up under a house in Key West
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
