Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
