Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
