please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
