Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
