She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
