What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
