i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This toilet bowl is my home.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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