saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
