I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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