what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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