you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
