that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This baby is an asshole
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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