i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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