saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
