goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
